Salman receives knighthood

Salman Rushdie has amassed for himself a fair number of distinctions over the years, among them the Booker of Bookers prize, the Whitbread novel award (twice), the James Tait Black memorial prize, and a fatwa from the Ayatollah Khomeini calling for his immediate assassination.

Yesterday, however, came the big one: a knighthood recognising the services to literature of one of the world's most lauded - and most divisive - literary grandees. "I am thrilled and humbled to receive this great honour, and am very grateful that my work has been recognised in this way," the newly-minted Sir Salman said in a statement.

The announcement signals a belated endorsement by the British establishment, 18 years after the author was forced to go on the run after The Satanic Verses was condemned as blasphemy by Iran's late spiritual leader. Britain broke off diplomatic relations over the incident; Rushdie himself had to live in hiding for a decade.

"I am delighted for him," said fellow novelist Ian McEwan said last night. "He's a wonderful writer, and this sends a firm message to the book-burners and their appeasers."

John Sutherland, academic and former Booker prize judge, suggested the award might represent a tacit olive branch from those who perhaps had failed to support Sir Salman as he might have hoped.

"It's astonishing that Tony Blair, among others, has been so reluctant to be seen shaking Rushdie's hand, and here he is getting a knighthood from the Queen," said the emeritus professor of literature.

"Public figures have been very, very reluctant to support Rushdie, particularly when he was under direct threat of assassination. It's a brave and entirely commendable decision by the people who advise the Queen - I would be curious to know if the recommendation came directly from Downing Street, though."

Fatwa aside, Sir Salman has long divided critical opinion. Midnight's Children, only his second novel, was named Booker of Bookers, best novel of the previous 25 years, in 1993. His recent work has failed to win similar acclaim, however, and the author has abandoned the London literary scene for New York.

"It does set the mind speculating what went through his mind when he accepted [the knighthood]," said Prof Sutherland. "He is a nomad. He has a supra-national, post-colonial style, so that it is very hard to say who owns him. And now he has pledged himself in the personal service of the monarch! For the writer of The Satanic Verses, which was extremely rude about England, it's certainly unusual."

(Personal Note: I am wondering how many of the rampaging dimwits in the "Muslim world" have even SEEN a copy of "The Satanic Verses," let alone read a page of the novel.)

Iranian lawmakers want more blood!

The latest crap from the Muslim world sees Iran's governent putting forth a law that calls for the execution of those who appear in or produce porno flicks, because they are "corruptors of the world."

I guess in the holy minds of Islamic leaders, snuff-films (such as the ones their Jihadding heroes are so fond of making) don't qualify as corrupting the world.

I also assume that, given the recent Fatwas that have been issued by Islamic leaders in Egypt that Golden Showers and men sucking the breasts of women don't qualify as "porn" or "corrupting", and that child pornography--given the Father of Iran's Islamic Revoluiton's well-documented advocacy of child porn and infant rape--will be exempt from the draconic pornography law... or, at least, viewed as getting a thumb up the anus from Allah.

I imagine "Kill the Scream Queen" (review here) would be a big hit among the Iranian leadership--and probably among Muslim "thinkers" in general. All someone will have to do is do an additional little voice-over or text crawl in the beginning that praises the desire of the devout Muslim filmmaker to stop the spread of corruption in the world by raping and killing decadant Christian and Jewish women who take their tops off (without offering to breast-feed the men in the room).

From the AP...

Iran Moves to Execute Porn Stars

TEHRAN, Iran (AP) -- Iran's parliament on Wednesday voted in favor of a bill that could lead to death penalty for persons convicted of working in the production of pornographic movies.

With a 148-5 vote in favor and four abstentions, lawmakers present at the Wednesday session of the 290-seat parliament approved that "producers of pornographic works and main elements in their production are considered corruptors of the world and could be sentenced to punishment as corruptors of the world."

The term, "corruptor of the world" is taken from the Koran, the Muslims' holy book, and ranks among the highest on the scale of an individual's criminal offenses. Under Iran's Islamic Penal Code, it carries a death penalty.

The "main elements" refered to in the draft include producers, directors, cameramen and actors involved in making a pornographic video.

The bill also envisages convictions ranging from one year imprisonment to a death sentence for the main distributors of the movies and also producers of Web sites in which the pornographic works would appear.

Besides videos, the bill covers all electronic visual material, such as DVD and CDs. Other material, such as porn magazines and books are already banned under Iranian law.

To become law, the bill requires an approval by the Guardian Council, a constitutional watchdog in Iran.

It is widely believed that the drafting of the bill came about as a reaction to a scandal last year, when a private videotape, apparently belonging to Iranian actress Zahra Amir Ebrahimi and allegedly showing her having intercourse with a man, became available across Iran.

The videotape was leaked to the Internet and released on a black market DVD, becoming a full-blown Iranian sex tape scandal. Ebrahimi later came under an official investigation, which is still ongoing. She faces fines, whip lashing or worse for her violation of Iran's morality laws.

The unnamed man on the tape, who is suspected of releasing it, reportedly fled to Armenia but was subsequently returned to Iran and charged with breach of public morality laws. He remains in jail.

In an exclusive interview with the British newspaper "The Guardian" early this year, Ebrahimi denied she was the woman in the film and dismissed it as a fake, made by a vengeful former fiance bent on destroying her career.

In recent years, private videotapes have increasingly been leaked to the public in Iran, riling the government and many in this conservative Islamic country, where open talk of sex is banned and considered taboo.

However, porn material is easily accessible through foreign satellite television channels in Iran. Bootleg video tapes and CDs are also available on the black market on many street corners.

Copyright 2007 The Associated Press.

BTW... way to elevate the stature of the porn industry, Iran! Salman Rushdie, you're in great company!

Free Advice for the Famous: NEVER Apologize for 'Offending'

Between Isaiah Washington being hounded and fired for saying something stupid (and going FAR beyond what should be expected to make amends) and Don Imus also being hounded and fired for saying something stupid (and apologizing and kissing Al Sharpton's big, hairy ass to make amends), I think there is a lesson here a person in the public eye should take to heart. If you "offend" anyone and they raise a stink in the media, DON'T apologize.

In fact, the only response you should give is "Yeah, I said it. I'll say it again. Oh, and by the way, fuck you."

There's nothing you can say or do that will matter to these assholes walking around with chips on their shoulders. They will have your job, because they spend their days looking for reasons to be offended, and anything you say to molify them (even if you're being sincere, or subjecting yourself to public humliaiton by going to rehab and making TV spots) will only make them want to destroy you more. They're not going to accept apologies. You might as well go out with a bang and the satisfaction of giving them the finger.

LOS ANGELES (AP) - Isaiah Washington has lost his job on the hit ABC medical drama "Grey's Anatomy," five months after creating a furore with his use of an anti-gay slur.
Washington's contract option was not renewed for next season, series producer ABC Television Studios said Thursday.

"I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it anymore," Washington said in a statement released through his publicist, Howard Bragman, without elaboration.

He drew fire after using the anti-gay epithet backstage at the Golden Globe Awards in January, while denying he'd used it previously on the set against cast mate T.R. Knight.

Gay rights groups and cast member Katherine Heigl, who publicly denounced Washington, were among his most vocal critics.

"This is something that will have changed the scope of his life," Heigl told Entertainment Weekly last month.

Washington was "sorry and embarrassed" for the mistake, she said.

Washington tried to make amends and said he was seeking therapy.

He also met with officials from the Gay, Lesbian & Straight Education Network and the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation and filmed a public service announcement in which he said "words have power" to hurt or heal.

The May finale of "Grey's Anatomy" opened the door for the departure of his character. Burke was on the verge of marrying Dr. Cristina Yang (Sandra Oh), but her doubts at first delayed and then derailed their splashy wedding.

Later, Yang found Burke cleared out his favourite possessions from their apartment.

In May, Bragman said the actor intended to spend the summer working and not worrying about the show. Washington intended to continue his charity work in Sierra Leone, which a DNA test showed to be his ancestral home and work on an independent movie.

(By the way, I've never watched "Grey's Anatomy" and I've never understood why anyone would listen to Don Imus, but their treatment at the hands of "minorities" pisses me off, and it shows that we are entirely too quick to let ourselves to tyranized by hate-mongers. (And the hate-mongers here are not Washington and Imus.)

'The Villain' is live-action to Looney Toons

The Villain (aka "Cactus Jack") (1979)
Starring: Kirk Douglas, Ann-Margaret, and Arnold Schwarzenegger
Director: Hal Needham
Rating: Eight of Ten Stars

The Handsome Stranger (Schwarzenegger) volunteers to escort the lovely Miss Charming safely to her father... but the villainous Cactus Jack (Douglas) has dark intentions for both!


"The Villain" is a hilarious physical comedy that plays like a live-action version of the classic Warner Bros. cartoons featuring Bugs Bunny vs. Elmer Fudd or the Road Runner vs. Wiley E. Coyote. It even borrows several jokes from those cartoons... and they're even funnier when live people are put through their paces by them.

I'm sure some hysterical parent will be up-in-arms over the violence in this film, and I suspect there's some retarded kid who will watch it, draw a tunnel on the wall, and run headlong into it and crack his head when it doesn't become real. The rest of us, however, be we normal adults or kids who are congenital idiots, will certainly laugh ourselves silly while watching this highly underrated, very unusual comedy.

'Hot Fuzz' is greatest buddy cop spoof?

Hot Fuzz (2007)
Starring: Simon Pegg, Nick Frost, Timothy Dalton, and Jim Broadbent
Director: Edgar Wright
Rating: Ten of Ten Stars

When London's top cop Nick Angel (Pegg) is promoted and transferred because his superiors feel he's making them look bad (with his 400%-above-average arrest record), he finds himself in a village so peaceful that the police officers in the village spend their days eating cake and ice cream, and he is teamed with a young constable (Frost) whose idea of police work is shaped by American movies, such as "Bad Boys II". But when a hooded serial killer starts picking off some of the village's leading citizens, it seems Angel may still have a chance to do some real crime-fighting and police work. But will his fellow officers believe that it's the work of a killer and not just a series of freak accidents being inflated by a cop who is too highly strung for village life?


"Hot Fuzz" is probably the best comedy that will be released in 2007. I don't like to make that sort of hyperbolic declaration, but in this case, I think it'll be true. It's not only a hilarious spoof, but its script is so well done that it even works as a crime drama.

Like "Shaun of the Dead"--a film from the same team that made this film--"Hot Fuzz" takes the standards of a popular movie genre-in this case, the buddy cop drama-and gives them a distinctly British twist. This film is somewhat more farcical than "Shaun of the Dead" as it pokes a lot more fun at the quirks and cliches of buddy cop action films, but it still transmit an obvious affection for the genre on the part of the writers. In fact, if more police dramas and thrillers (buddy cop or otherwise) had scripts as well-crafted as this one, there would be fewer box office bombs.

The very best aspect of this film is that it's as realistic as movies of this sort get. Although there are points in the film where it seems like the film abandons realism for comedic affect-such as a scene where Sgt. Angel is chasing the hooded murderer, who seems to miraculously gain 20 yards over him every time he disappears around corner (because if Angel catches the killer at this point in the film, things will be over an hour in)--when it comes to the crimes that are going on is that everything makes sense when the truth comes to light. Even parts of the movie that just seemed like odd bits of comedy suddenly make perfect sense when all the twists and Big Reveals have been unveiled.


Another strong point of the film is the fact that the screenwriters truly wrote a mystery tale where they follow all the conventions of the genre. They lay out all the clues as to what is going on in the town AND they follow the old saw horse that if there's a gun over the fireplace in the first act, it better be fired by the third. (There are multiple of these guns in the movie--both metaphorical and actual--and every one of them is "fired", some of them in quite unexpected ways.)

While hardcore fans of the over-the-top cop dramas this film pokes fun at will probably find the first half of it too slow to be entertaining, those who appreciate British humor or British cop shows like "A Touch of Frost" or "Prime Suspect" should love this film.

Those who just enjoy crime dramas and suspense movies in general should also get a kick out of "Hot Fuzz", because the twists upon twists that are offered up here are more creative and clever than what is found in many serious attempts at the genre.

This is one of those rare "must-see" movies, and I can't recommend it highly enough.

'Blades of Glory' is a slick comedy

Blades of Glory (2007)
Starring: Will Ferrell, Jon Heder, Will Arnett, Amy Poehler, Craig T. Nelson, and Jenna Fischer
Director: Josh Gordon and Will Speck
Rating: Seven of Ten Stars

After two rival skaters (Ferrell and Heder) are banned from singles figure skating for life for brawling during the medal ceremony at the Olympics, they overcome their differences and team up to become the first male/male figure skating pair. Will they transform figure skating as the world knows it, or will they meet defeat at the hands of the sociopathic figure skating team of the Van Waldenberg Twins (Arnett and Poehler) or will they be killed by their coach's (Nelson) quest to have the impossible skating move "The Iron Lotus" made a reality?


"Blades of Glory" is a fairly simple sports comedy that uses gender roles and slapstick humor to illicit huge laughs from the viewers. It's very well written, fabulously acted, and perfectly paced. Ferrell is particularly hilarious as the crude, sexaholic, self-made figure. Arnett and Poehler are almost too good as the creepy bad guys.

Allowing for the fact that the jokes aren't all that original (even if I don't think anyone has quite given us such a twisted version of the figure skating world before, nor do I think any other movie has portrayed an obsessive fan stalking a celebrity as the catalyst for something good), this is an excellent film. The very end of the denoument gets a bit dumb, as it completely breaks with the tone of the rest of the film, but otherwise it's a thoroughly hilarious experience. (The end credits has some funny bits during them, too, almost as an apology for the stupid final moments of the movie.)

Is that a special kind of sheep dog?

Film star denies lamb tale

A Japanese film star has denied reports she was conned into buying a lamb disguised as a poodle.


Maiko Kawakami has dismissed stories she was the victim of a scam by tricksters importing lambs from Australia and Britain to sell as poodles to rich Japanese women.

It was widely reported that the scam came to light after Kawakami complained on a television talk show that her new poodle refused to bark or eat dog food.

"Ms Kawakami is very surprised by how much this has spread overseas. She was just recounting on television how she had heard of such a story while she was at a nail salon," a spokeswoman for her talent agency said.

"Ms Kawakami does not even own a poodle."

Police in Sapporo, where the fraudulent company was reportedly based, also denied the tale.

"We have had inquiries from so many media - CNN, CBS among others - and all I can say is that that article is completely made up," a spokesman said.

(From ananova.com)

Yes, Ms. Kawakami. We understand you don't own a poodle.

But do you own a lamb?



(BTW, the "media morons" referred to in the tag for this article are not Maiko Kawakami or her spokespeople, but rather the anonymous reporter who wrote this article,and all the other journalists who apparently didn't notice that even the original writer didn't fully believe the shaggy sheep tale he was relating, because even he states that "this has a whiff of the 'urban myth' about it."