'Any Gun Can Play' isn't worth the time

Any Gun Can Play (aka "River of Blood" and "For a Few Bullets More") (1967)
Starring: Edd Byrnes, George Hilton, Gilbert Roland, Ivano Staccioli, and Kareen O'Hara
Director: Enzo G. Castellari
Rating: Four of Ten Stars

A banker (Byrnes), a bountyhunter (Hilton), and a bandit (Roland) race each other to recover a stolen gold shipment that was hidden by a Mexican cutthroat who was subsequently killed by the US Army.


"Any Gun Can Play" is a singularly uneven and uninventive western. It starts out attempting to be a dramatic western along the lines of "The Good, the Bad and the Ugly" but it turns into a comedy along the lines of "My Name is Nobody" at about the halfway mark, but it is vastly inferior to both of those other movies. The first half of this film is so-so, but once it tries to become a Hill/Spencer-style western spoof, it becomes an unfunny mess with dull fights, dumb gags, and scenes that drag on and on because the director seemingly lost all ability to know how end a scene.

The best part of the is the performance by Gibert Roland, who plays a Mexican bandit leader who masterminds the goldheist and later finds himself doublecrossed every time he turns around. He the only actor who rises above mediocrity of everything around him.

Everything about this movie is unoriginal, substandard and lackluster. It's not so bad so as to be unwatchable, but there are far better ways to spend your idle moments.

'Suicide experts' whine over 'Wrist Cutters'

Who would have ever imagined that there are whiny "suicide experts" out there?

Suicide Experts Upset About Film Ads

Officials at a top US suicide prevention group are failing to see the funny side of billboard ads for a new comedy that show people killing themselves.

Acclaimed indie movie "Wristcutters: A Love Story" follows a group of people who have taken their own lives, as they take a trip through purgatory.

The film, starring Patrick Fugit and Shannyn Sossamon, has won a handful of top indie film prizes in America, but the director of the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention is not a fan of the film, or its marketing campaign.

In a letter to producers, Robert Gebbia says, "You don't see people making fun of other causes of death, but you see it with suicide and mental illness."

But producer Courtney Solomon isn't planning to pull the ad campaign, stating, "The movie's message is that love is better than suicide. Our job is to get people into the theatre in a way that's accessible to them. There are many different ways to skin a cat. God forbid someone was considering committing suicide. This film may change their opinion."

And if people change their minds about committing suicide, how will Mr. Gebbia make a living? No wonder he's upset!

Richard Jeni dead at 49

Comedian Richard Jeni, who appeared frequently on the "Tonight" show and headlined a number of HBO comedy specials, died Saturday, March 11, 2006, in Los Angeles in what appeared to be a suicide; he was 49.

Jeni died of a gunshot wound to the head, an hour after police responded to a 911 call from the comedian's girlfriend and he was rushed to Cedars-Sinai Hospital. A final confirmation of suicide was still pending Monday morning, after further investigation of the incident and an autopsy.

Musta been a slow news day

According to media reports, Beyonce Knowles was not exposed to Hepatitis-A at a recent celebrity bash celebrating her appearance in this year's Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue.

I repeat: Beyonce Knowles was NOT exposed to Hepatitis-A at a recent celebrity bash celebrating her appearance on the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue.


In other earth-shattering etertainment news, I am still not dating Carmen Electra, I have still not been cast as Falstaff in "Eddie Murphy's Henry the Fifth (produced by Eddie Murphy, directed by Eddie Murphy, and adaptaed from some play by that Shakespear dude by Eddie Murphy)"... but I DID have a can of Campbell's Chunky Vegetable Beef soup for dinner tonight. It was delicious. I was also not exposed to hepatitis A while eating my tasty dinner.

And Anna Nicole Smith is still dead.

Robert Alder dead at 93

I want everyone to grab their remote controls, switch on their TV or stereo and hit the Mute button. Remain seated for a minute of silence, for Robert Alder has passed.

Robert who? Only the inventor of the greatest home-comfort device, save the microwave: the remote control! He has now ascended to the glorious state of patron saint for wide-assed couch potaotes everywhere!

Adler, a prolific inventor who was best known for co-inventing (with Eugene Polley) the wireless TV remote control for Zenith in 1956, died of heart failure in Boise,ID, at age 93.

Alder joined Zenith in 1941 and remained with the company until 1999 when it was acquired by South Korea's LG Electronics. In its obituary -- headlined "The Inventor Who Deserves a Sitting Ovation" -- the "Washington Post" observed that Adler received more than 180 patents during his lifetime, but that it was the wireless remote that "revolutionized an industry ... and bedeviled, edified and otherwise sustained a grateful nation of couch potatoes ever since its introduction."

It's time for me to come clean.

Now that Anna Nicole Smith has dropped dead (making room for someone else to make a living at being famous for being famous), it seems everyone is coming forward to claim they are the father of her stands-to-possibly-inherit-a-fortune baby.

They';re all liars, each and every one of them. I know this, because I am the father of the baby! I was the one who Anna Nicole was doing the horizontal flab-shimmy with when she got knocked up!

The Mystery Man has been revealed!

Samy Naceri: Most perfect Muslim this side of Mohammed?

Samy Naceri, the peace-loving Muslim who threatened Salman Rushdie's life for "debasing Islam" has shown the world how a follower of the Religion of Peace should conduct himself.

I'm sure the doorman he allegedly stabbed was "debasing Islam" as well?

Actor Samy Naceri is being held by French police on suspicion of attempted murder. The French star of Luc Besson's "Taxi" movie series was arrested on Tuesday night in Aix-en-Provence after getting into a violent fight outside a night club in the area, and is now in police custody.

According to police officials, a drunk Naceri drew a knife on a doorman after he was refused entry to the club. The star was later treated in hospital for an injured jaw and broken teeth.

Naceri was also arrested a day earlier on New Year's Day for driving without a license in Marseille.

It is the latest series of run-ins with the law for the 45-year-old actor, who was sentenced to six months in prison for racially abusing a policeman in December. Naceri has been convicted four times since 2000 for assault, drink-driving and speeding.

Drunk driving? Isn't there something in Islam forbidding alcohol? How can this be... he's such an examplar of all things Islam?!