Whoever green-lit 'Deck the Halls' should be decked

Deck the Halls (2006)
Starring: Matthew Broderick, Danny DeVito, Kristen Davis, and Kristen Chenoweth
Director: John Whitesell
Rating: One of Ten Stars

"Deck the Halls" revolves around a pair of fathers feuding over who's going to have the best Christmas decorations in town... and the supposed hilariaty that ensues when the feud gets out of hand. I say "supposed" because this film is over-long, unfunny--even the slapstick is more groan-inducing than chuckle-inspiring--and populated by characters that are so badly written that, struggle as they may, the actors simply can't imbue them with life, let along the Christmas Spirit.


Oh... and you can add to the fact that most of what happes in the movie feels like it was cribbed from "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation." So, if you want to see a whacky, somewhat uncouth Christmas comedy, why not stick with the film "Deck the Halls" was copied from?

(All that said, it's been pointed out to me that the movie did redeem itself ever-so-slightly at the end. But, as nice an ending as it is, with a little bit of good cheer creeping in, it is far too little to make up for the rest of the film.)

If anyone starts a class-action suit so the poor souls who saw this film on its opening day, please keep me in the loop. I want my money back AND something for my pain and suffering. Meanwhile, though, you out there who are reading this should take my warning and NOT see this movie. (Although recommending it to relatives you'd rather not have to spend the Holidays with would be a sure-fire way to get out of it. It'll be Guy Faulkes Day (or later) before they'll be wiling to speak to you again.)

Underrated holiday film

Jingle All the Way
Starring: Arnold Schwartzenegger, Phil Hartman, Sindbad, Rita Wilson, Robert Conrad, Jake Lloyd, and Jim Belushi
Rating: Six of Ten Stars

Howard (Schwartzenegger) feels guilty for having neglected his son, Jamie(Lloyd), in favor of work. In an attempt to make it up to him, he vows to get any gift Jamie wants for Christmas... and Jamie asks for a Turbo Man action figure. On Christmas Eve, Howard goes in search of the toy, only to discover that it's the hottest gift of the season, and EVERY parent in town seems to be looking for one, and no stores have any in stock. What follows is a quest that makes Frodo's trip to Mordor look like a walk on the beach.


As a film mocking the obsession we have in American with making up for our shortcomings in our relationships by going overboard on gift-giving during Christmas, this film succeeds admirably. It also serves as a nice bit of commentary on the rampant commercialism during the Christmas season.

It's a little less successful as a comedy. I love the way the movie keeps escalating and the way the situaitons Howard finds himself in trying to get a Turbo Man doll get more and more absurd, but I find virtually every character in the film more annoying than amusing. The exception is Wilson, who is funny and sympathetic as Howard's wife who has to fend off advances from her sleazy neighbor (Hartman) while Howard searches to the toy.

The film's lead, Schwartzenegger, is passable in the part of the ever-increasingly crazed Howard, but he did a far better job in "Kindergarten Cop" and even "Twins" than he does here.

Still, the film offers some nice chuckles. It may not be the best of Christmas movies, but it's passable. (Oh, and make sure sure you watch all the way to the end of the final credits. There's a bit more of the film after them.)

The Man-Baby is Back!

Seems like lawyers are still ripping off a Man-Baby whose sensitive soul has been wounded by the existence of "Tintin in The Congo." Here's the latest on a world-class dimwit from the Telegraph.

Tintin 'to be sued' for Congo book

By Henry Samuel in Paris
Published: 10:01PM BST 01 Sep 2009

A Congolese accountant is to launch a lawsuit in France against Tintin for racism, accusing judges in the cartoon hero's native Belgium of trying to bury his case to protect a "national symbol".

Bienvenu Mbutu Mondondo, 41, is taking legal action claiming Hergé's controversial Tintin In The Congo is propaganda for colonialism and amounts to "racism and xenophobia".

"Tintin's little (black) helper is seen as stupid and without qualities. It makes people think that blacks have not evolved," he said.

Mr. Mbutu Mondondo launched a case in Belgium two years ago for symbolic damages of one euro from Tintin's Belgian publishers Moulinsart, and demanded the book be withdrawn from the market.

But since then his lawyer, Claude Ndjakanyi, said there had been no response from Belgian justice. "Our request to access the dossier was judged premature even though the investigation has been running for two years," he said.

Mr Ndjakanyi claimed the silence was politically motivated: "It's the symbol of Belgium that is under attack." The lawyer said he would launch parallel proceedings in France and go "all the way to the European Court of Human Rights if necessary".

In 2007, British race watchdogs pulled the book from children's shelves and attacked the Tintin cartoons for making black Africans "look like monkeys and talk like imbeciles".

Two weeks ago the work was removed from the shelves of Brooklyn's municipal library following a complaint from a reader that it "had illustrations that were racially offensive and inappropriate for children".

Tintin and his dog Snowy are a rare unifying symbol in Belgium – a divided nation where postcolonial guilt over Belgian's record in the Congo still runs high.

The Congo remained a Belgian colony until 1960 and between 1885 and 1908 millions of Congolese are thought to have died under the brutal rule of Belgium's King Leopold II.

Georges Remi, the Tintin cartoonist who worked under the Hergé pen-name, reworked the book in 1946 to remove references to Congo as Belgian colony.

But it still contained images such as a black woman bowing to Tintin and saying: "White man very great White mister is big juju man!" Moulinsart, Tintin's publishers, argued that the whole row was "silly" and that book must be seen in its historical context: "To read in the 21st century a Tintin album dating back to 1931 requires a minimum of intellectual honesty," it said. "If one applied the 'politically correct' filter to great artists or writers, we could no longer publish certain novels of Balzac, Jules Verne, or even some Shakespeare plays."

Mr Ndjakanyi said this argument did not wash. "When the album was written there was no legal disposition incriminating racism. In 2009 there is. This isn't about history but the law."

And it's probably also about the big fat bank account that Ndjakanyi is building up by exploiting the Man-Baby's mental defects.

'Bruno' was surprisingly boring

Bruno (2009)
Starring: Sasha Baron Cohen and Gustaf Hammerstein
Director: Larry Charles
Rating: Three of Ten Stars

I went to see "Bruno" expecting it to be stupid and gross. I did not expect it to be boring.


The problem with the movie is exactly what I feared: The central character, the cartoonishly flaboyantly and obnoxiously homosexual fashion reporter Bruno, is simply too much of a cartoon to support a full movie. Like the worst of the movies based on successful Saturday Night Live bits, "Bruno" is an illustration that sketch comedy should generally speaking remain short-form. However, the filmmakers did realize this and they attempted to mitigate the problem by making a movie that is, essentially, an unconnected series of vinettes organzied around a storyline that sees a disgraced Bruno trying to hang onto what little media spotlight he has by trying to become a celebrity who is famous for being famous.

There are some genuinely funny bits in the film, but they are too few and too far between. Plus, you've already seen the punchlines for most of them if you've seen any "Bruno" commercials.

The "adopt-a-baby and use it for media attention" storyline and surrounding bits are funny, as is Bruno's attempts to "go straight" and the end credits sequence, but most of the rest of the film feels forced.

Worse, Bruno is a repulsive character, not just because he is sexually obsessed to a demented degree, but because he is mean-spirited and stupid. Borat at least had the saving grace of not being a vicious jackass. I spent most of my time watching this movie, wincing with embarrassment on behalf of Bruno because of his antics and meanness.

I recommend skipping this film, or at least waiting for the DVD release so you can rent it for cheap. It simply isn't good enough to pay even matinee prices for.

Karl Malden dead at 97

Karl Malden, the Academy Award-winning actor whose intelligent characterizations on stage and screen made him a star despite his plain looks, died Wednesday, his family said. He was 97.

Malden died of natural causes surrounded by his family at his Brentwood home, they told the Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences. He served as the academy's president from 1989-92.

Michael Jackson dead at 50

Pop star Michael Jackson has died after suffering a heart attack, it has been reported. Los Angeles Fire Department paramedics had rushed to the singer's home near Sunset Boulevard in Los Angeles, CA, after receiving a 911 call. He was rushed to a hospital, but he had already passed away.

The cause of Jackson's death was reportedly an overdose of prescription drugs, which he had obtained legally from his doctor.

Jackson was living in Los Angeles while rehearsing a series of 50 sold-out shows in London, the LA Times has reported. The tour was to have been his comeback following his acquittal on charges of child sexual abuse.

'Death Race' is mediocre reincarnation of sci-fi classic

Death Race (2008)
Starring: Jason Statham, Joan Allen, Natalie Martinez, Ian McShane, and Tyrese Gibson
Director: Paul W.S. Anderson
Rating: Five of Ten Stars

A disgraced racecar driver (Statham) is framed for muder so a corrupt prison warden (Allen) can force him to take part in the Death Race, a contest where convicted killers drive heavily armed cars to earn freedom or death.



"Death Race" is a humorless remake of Roger Corman's classic "Death Race 2000". It's an okay movie with decent actors--Jason Statham seems to be making a career out of playing hardbitten characters who drive fast cars--and cool effects and exploding cars, but it's all pyrotechnics and postering without any soul... not even the ludicrous soul of the 1975 cheese-fest.

The film is entertaining, and it made me want to break out my old "Car Wars" game--but, alas, I don't even know anyone who I'd ask to play it with me anymore--but that's about it. (Come to think of it, the "Car Wars" games I played were more exciting than this movie, with characters and cars that were just as interesting as what's in this film.)

"Death Race" is a mediocre effort that will not stand the test of time. No one remember this movie in 30 years... or even in three years. Students of classic B-movies may still be talking about the original, though.